Friday, December 30, 2005

OpinionJournal - Faith in Theory

Why "intelligent design" simply isn't science. BY JAMES Q. WILSON

"When a federal judge in Pennsylvania struck down the efforts of a local school board to teach 'intelligent design,' he rightly criticized the wholly unscientific nature of that enterprise. Some people will disagree with his view, arguing that evolution is a 'theory' and intelligent design is a 'theory,' so students should look at both theories.

But this view confuses the meaning of the word 'theory.' In science, a theory states a relationship between two or more things (scientists like to call them 'variables') that can be tested by factual observations. We have a 'theory of gravity' that predicts the speed at which two objects will fall toward one another, the path on which a satellite must travel if it is to maintain a constant distance from the earth, and the position that a moon will keep with respect to its associated planet."

Now I believe in God and that He/She acts in our daily lives and shapes things. I also believe that we are created in God's image. So knowing these two facts, why can't fundies put these two together and say that "evolution is a tool of the divine" and have faith that humans are smart enough to understand the basic operating principles of God (albeit not how the common woodthrush has 16 different subspecies).

Another thought by Darwin, "Humans are almost exclusive in the fact that they can learn from another's experiences, but rarely do it."

Tuesday, December 20, 2005


GOOD STUFF PEOPLE!! ELEANOR MARGARET HEINBAUGH is Kate and my's new niece! She was born 12-19-05 to Margaret and Andrew here in DC. She was 8lbs 10oz, 21" long and her and mama are doing fine! AWESOME! YAY FOR KIDS!

Your 2005 Song Is

Beverly Hills by Weezer

"My automobile is a piece of crap

My fashion sense is a little whack

And my friends are just as screwy as me"

You breezed through 2005 in your own funky style!

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Theory of Engagement

I have realized that i am many things. for one, i'm inherently violent but try to repress it. i try to be peaceful, but i can be more peaceful if i acknowledge the other half. this realization has led me to my theory of engagement, ergo how i feel that people engage their problems. i will use military terminology from here on out, so my apologies.

there are a million ways to attack an opponent, and all are viable given the situation, but i will highlight just two ways to justify my point.

how i engage my problems or opponents is that i do not want a close game. no last second shots, no sliding into home after a 2 and 3 count, none of that because that does not leave room for error. i LOVE complete and total devastation of my opponents. i engage my problems with that zeal and destroy it and then burn the village, kill the witnesses and salt the ground. that way there is no way for any problems to pop up from this as there is nothing left. that is my way.

the opposite way of this is a sort of hit and run style. a guerilla warfare sort where one runs from their problems and will only fight them when they are corner, and they will fight them just long enough to escape. in this way the problems will only mount and get stronger and fuel any other problems one has.

Personally i find that many people choose the guerilla because it is easier but it is these same people who complain about the same things.

are there other ways to engage problems? sure! but keep in mind what General George S. Patton said, "No one has ever won a war by dying for his country... You win wars by making the other guy die for his country."

good words to live by, esp. in business.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Old Grandma Hard Core

It's not just a kinky website anymore! Now it's about a Grandma in the Cleveland area who plays her weight in video games! From the blog description itself: "This blog is the chronicle of my experiences with Grandma, the video-game playing queen of her age-bracket and weight class. She will beat any PS2, XBox, GameCube, etc., console game put in front of her, just like she always has."

Here is the article that tipped us off to this marvelous person (what, you think we just search for old grandma hardcore all the time on google? maybe)

and finally some random fun if you like chicks on motorcycles!

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Have you seen this shit?!

World Opinion Roundup -- Jefferson Morley's Review of Opinions and Commentary on News Around the World - "U.K.: Media Gag Order Over Leaked Memo"

They want to bomb the Arab TV station al Aljazeera. Hey, let's bomb our friends to see if they're still going to be our friends afterwards. W is a HUGE moron and why he isn't kicked out of office because of this shit is beyond me. you wanna kick a man out who's cheating on his wife (which is very BAD) but a man who starts wars and LIES... we'll keep him.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005


tons going on... must update you all soon. but until then enjoy another quirky Weezer Video! love that TransBuddha!

in this video, Rivers is surprisingly normal looking. i dunno which is more disturbing, the fact that he's 179% certifiably weird or that he can fake "normal-run-o-da-mill" geek rocker so well.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Octacular October

whew... man o man were we busy in the past couple weeks. Sorry dear constant and fictitious reader for the lack of posts. try to keep up here.

Went to Cavalia, which is a show from Normand Latourelle, one of the originators of the famed Cirque de Soleil. It is like a bunch of horses running through the Pottery Barn at midnight. i LOVED it. it meshed music and art with big stinky (albeit beautiful) animals that could trample you to death and poo on your dismembered corpse. i've seen a lot of horsie things with my horse-crazed mom, sis and wife, but this was by far my favorite.

Then we went to see the Washington International Horse Show, held every year at the MCI Center downtown. It was pretty wild to see horses trotting up and down 6th street but even wilder to see them where the Wizards or Capitals should be playing. there were a ton of events including a terrier race that was AWESOME. Imagine a gaggle of yappy jack russells tearing ass across a bball court after a smelly fox tail, bounding over jumps and ramps and crashing through hay bales. stunning. then came the nail-biter of the evening, the Puissance (which is a funny french word meaning ulcer). the whole goal of the puissance is to give everyone in the audience post-traumatic stress disorder by jumping horses over a 7 foot high wall. the winner jumped 7'5". INSANITY!

oh.. and there was a hip hop choir which sang the main song from Rent. I love Rent.

THEN WE HAD A PARTY! yay! It was a ton of fun and i hope next year to do the same thing and pack the house. it was a blast. here are the pix from the party.

goodbye halloween! see you next year!

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Quick Bit

Homecoming was great (check out our pix)! Great to be back in Athens for a while and see all our friends, family, and crazy college students. And the football team crushed Ball State! so that was really cool.

We were able to check out The Bob Stewart Band, my old Leipzig professor's band. I went to Germany with Prof Stewart and he could play the guitar but now he's a MASTER! (and the inlaws LOVED it, so that's a triple plus).

Now we're gearing up for this weekend and the HALLOWEEN BASH! can't wait, should be a lot of fun.

Thursday, October 20, 2005


Off this weekend to Ohio University's Homecoming to watch Kate funk it up with the Marching 110 and to have a few drinks with a few friends. Lord knows we need both friends AND drinks after the last couple weeks.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Haunted Commercials

Check this McDonalds Commercial out that i found on X-E. it's BAD ARSE! Did you see that haunted bud light commercial where the headless horseman gets pissed cause he can't drink beer? yeah, i thought it was pretty stupid too, but it was halloweenie! LET THE COUNT DOWN BEGIN!

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Kimmmmm Tagged My Ass

I have been tagged by Kim (The Accountant (who is actually an auditor and if you ask her about taxes she'll rip your face off)) - basically, the game is that you write 20 things about yourself and then tag as many other people as long as it took you to write the 20 things.

Here are my 20 things:
1. I would spend my whole paycheck buying new music if Kate wouldn't kill me.
2. I say things at my work that would get me fired at a job that wasn't staffed by 99% males (not being racist or sexist, just being direct like "quit being incompetent and FIX this problem!").
3. My coworkers and most people who know me think I'm completely nuts.
4. I’m 6'3 2/4" but say I'm 6'4".
5. I wish my truck was a VW Turbo Diesel that got 600+ miles on a tank of gas.
6. I have a wife that I don't deserve and set her above all else.
7. I hate evangelicals mainly because i used to be one.
8. I would like to start a non-spineless democratic party and call it the Neutral Party and emphasize discussion rather than towing party lines.
9. I think Europe has its shit together in the social welfare aspect of society.
10. The last three places (over 50 miles away) I've been: Pittsburgh, PA, Tybee Island/Savannah, GA, and North Canton, OH.
11. Countries I've visited: Canaduh, Czech Republic, Austria, Netherlands, and Germany.
12. I wish it was Halloween every day.
13. I dream about being in a band and rocking my high school's socks off at the talent show.
14. I would sell your soul to take credit for writing any song by Nirvana, Smashing Pumpkins, Radiohead, Carpark North, Green Day, or Blink 182.
15. I waited 'til marriage.
16. Kate and I have dance offs to Good Charlotte or some random euro-dance music we have on i-Tunes on a regular basis.
17. Laughing Gas these HazMats... Gorillaz rule.
18. As Buddhist as I try to be, I do believe there is a violent, militant thing inside of me.
19. My fantasy football team SUCKS.
20. The Good Ol' Days will always mean my 8th grade 19-1 basketball season with the St. Mary's Blue Waves.. particularly the last game against St. Benedict and how I blocked "Skooter" like 11 million times. And yelled very loudly.

I can't tell time, so I'm tagging Bill Gates (he never writes me any more), James, Val, Garry, and J-Hixx. You're it!

Friday, September 23, 2005 ends the debate

People always are yelling one way or another about how the earth/universe came into being. Was it a big bang? Were we always here? Were we shat out of the giant turtle?

Michael Gange's Prelude to Eden proves that we were the aftermath of an electron battle'n a neuron.

Monday, September 19, 2005


great local commercials can make or break ya. this one put that company out of biz-nass. i have no idea what they were smoking when they came up with this, but it is literally the worst thing i've ever seen!

Belated Obscar to this in the category of Most Obscene Use of Sub-par Acting.

Back in Ohio, we had The Lone-Arrangers and the Trunk Monkey as brilliant local commercials. Does anyone remember them? Or here in D.C. it's Ronny Mervus for Mervus Diamonds... Any other ones out there that bear recognizing?

Thursday, September 15, 2005


Garry as the ultimate leader? This is how I picture things to be if the EAG ever took over... only there'd be more computers. I love 1984 and this is a psuedo-spoof/Diet 1984... at least it's weird enough to work. Check out Channel 101's Utopia.

Also I love modern conceptionist art. Check out ZOOM, in a Dali-esque way it kicks ass!

Monday, September 12, 2005

Rustlin Up Respect

If your very presence in the cowpen causes the heffers to get nervous, it looks like you need to watch Rustlin Up Respect | an Unsinkable Ship Syndicate Production.

Also here's a horror-scope that goes along with this

"Your Sign" Jan 1. to Dec. 31
This is a good week to remember that love is not a game for cowards. It's also not fair, not played by any rules, and not a game you can win, so good luck, Romeo.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Lie Girls... call 212-875-7000

Are you feeling lonely and in need of a pal? Call Lie Girls! Guaranteed to be in business for at least the next 3 years or so.

In other news, Mikey Moore is trying to blame Bush for his reaction to the devastation caused by Katrina. I blame it on the Weather Service who decided to name the hurricane so closely to Kitana, a Mortal Kombat character... don't politicize this tragedy. if you must blame anyone blame Midway who created Mortal Kombat and drove it into the ground with really really crappy movies.

Monday, September 05, 2005

Today-borday is Labor Day!

Hey everybody! Back from the beach... we went to Tybee Island with Megan, Lauren and their dog Guinness. It was a blast! More on that later (and pictures to follow of course).

This labor day, i'd like for you to know that no one loves you like your mama loves you... but GreenTowel begs the question, who's love'n your mama?

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Europe Continues to Kick Our Ass

So now's a little time for an update! on my life! hooray! it's not really as exciting as it sounds! (i just like exclamation points!)

Work is good but if this tool commercial from Home Depot Europe ever shows in the states, i'll be out of a job. I have sales training this Sunday-Tuesday in Pittsburgh then i go in for one day of work and then it's vacation with Kate, Megan and Lauren at Tybee Island by Savannah, GA. Can't wait! I'm not saying i'm cashing it in at work, but i'm just ready for a break. dammit.

Past weekend was well spent with the in-laws and max, will and sarah running around. lots of kate's family, it was fun! we went to splashdown waterpark which is awesome!!!!!! but still no clay's park.

Tuesday we went to a Nationals vs. Reds game with Katie and Brian. Reds won but with no help from Ken Griffey Jr. who got out at every at bat (retire, dude). This Friday Kate and I are off to see 311 play at Nissan Pavilion. Can't wait for the contact buzz!

Also new to the blogging world is Kate's H.S. friend John David. He's come up with Five Word Tales, which i think is brilliant. Check it out and write a story (THIS... I COMMAND!)

Rule of Three:

Music: Carpark North. A Danish band (proof that Europe is BETTER) that combines alt. rock and 80s new wave into something totally kick ass. Our Danish Buddies Rasmus and Anders got me into them back at OU but this album is leaps and bounds ahead of the other.

Book: Dark Tower #7... FINALLY!

Movies: The Grudge... SCARY. Best thing about Japanese films is that humans don't always win. Americans expect to do the ass kicking, but ooooh no sweetheart, not in this life time, gotta take the losses with the wins.

Speaking of losses, many many people, well... maybe just 11, can expect to have a lot of losses as the Yahoo! draft is complete and the G'town Raptors are gonna run wild.

And OU ranks #2 on the top party skools in the nation! I'll drink to that!!!!

Last note: PLEASE COMMENT! everyone who reads this blog. not hard. just do it so i can see who my audience is... prolly very small... but oh well! thanks for reading!

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

I'm a Stripper

With the StripGenerator, you can create your own comic strip. Hopefully yours will be as equally not funny as mine is!

special thanks to the ever-wonderful and total hottie Kate (yay for my wife!) for reading me the joke from reader's digest*

*yes, THAT magazine that your grandparents read... shut up already, gawd. like you don't read it! i know you do. i should start a club called RD Readers Under 70, and not only would i be the president, i'd also be a member.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005



I've started a fantasy football league... sadly it's on yahoo... not on so that means no hot babes discussing stats. However it does involve family, friends and co-workers going head to head in weekly games! will this mean stronger bonds or the dissolution of my entire social network? only time will tell.

Thursday, August 18, 2005


If you're as attracted to uppity, snide, and racist wizards as I am, then you're gonna love this video (linked below, sucka!).

I found it on which is now my favorite place on the internet.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Driving in the District

As I am the most frequent poster in my family (vs. Val and Garry), i figured i'd continue my reign by showing you all what being on the roads is like here in D.C. Taken from, Dysfunctional Driving showcases what to do and what not to do while driving in a city.

i thought it funny at first, but i see 75% of this stuff on the roads every day. I'm going to try to get my place of employment to implement this system as well as the Smith Driving System.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

The Obscars

The Obscars is my new invention. In the spirit of the VMA's which have been plugged to death by MTV endlessly running stupid ads for it, i've created the Obscene Awards. Pretty self explanatory.

Winner for Best Picture
I originally heard this on Elliot in the Morning on DC101. They had on Bob Saget (of Full House fame) and he was talking about his favorite movie, "The Aristocrats". Here's the New York Magazine Review that IS safe for work.

Here's the South Park version of it... BUT BEWARE! NOT SAFE FOR WORK (and pretty much everywhere else). This is VILE and OBSCENE and that's why it wins the Obscar for B.P.

Other Awards:
Dumbest Website with the Incorrect Definition
The Tourettes Guy. He also got an Obscar for Best Use of Language. Mainly he won because fewer than 15% of all people who suffer from Tourettes yell things. Tourettes is more similar to Obsessive Complusive Disorder than it is to a fat guy yelling Bob Saget's name. for the complete definition and FAQ check out the TS-USA.ORG site.

Pissiest Person on the Net
THE GEEK. he don't like the Xanga and he's gonna TELL ya!

Most Obscene Event
Re-election of G.W. Bush

Most Obscene Fact
Death toll of the Iraq War

Most Obscenely Funny Religious Site
Landover Baptist

So there is the first annual OBSCARS! hope you all agree that these are pretty obscene. please leave some comments and let me know what you think!

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Caffeine, Step Aside...

there's a new addiction in my life and it's known as it's pretty awesome to do. just login and you can search for all your friends and drinking buddies from college! and even better yet, you can look at THEIR friends, drinking buddies, and what's-his-face who sat two over in philosophy 203.

takes me back to OU... which i think was like, less than 2 years ago, but everyone who's a frosh this year was in 8th grade when i was a frosh at OU. HOLY MOSES! i'm old. i miss OU. well that's a lie, i don't miss the classes. but i miss see'n all the dudes and give'n them high-fives and all the ladies in the short-shorts.

so in memory of college, i'll go slam my head into a wall to get that nice hangover feeling. ya can't do it in the real world, beer is like mucho $$! they get you hooked young and then look out!

Monday, August 01, 2005

Heavier Things

Forgive my John Mayer reference, but PostSecret is a facinating look into the nature of the human animal.

The point of the website is to send your deepest darkest secrets on postcards to an address (in Germantown, coincidentally!). The guy might or might not post them on the website. Supposedly it's liberating, and i'm thinking i agree with that statement. there are some that are really funny like "i almost never wash my hands after using the restroom" to the really heavy issues like suicide, self-cutting, and molestation issues.

here is one that i really agree with:

*special thanks to Nikki who informed me of this great site on her blog.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Is It Vacation Yet?!

look! i proved to myself that i can actually type a sentence with upper-case letters in it. i've been abstaining due to a little fight me and Mr. Creationist-Upper-Case-Letters had about my main man Darwin.... so it's good to be back on speaking terms.

i have discovered a noble truth since my last post. the key to success is all about one's comfort zone. DON'T HAVE A COMFORT ZONE! in my case it seems that the more out of my comfort zone i am, the more luck i seem to have. if you keep to the "tried and true" you're going to get bored... and worse than that is if something changes, you'll be all out of whack. so screw the notion of comfort. do you think Rosa Parks was comfortable in her seat up in the front of that bus? i bet you a ba-zillion $$ she wasn't and that's made all the difference. or Mary having a kid out of wedlock and traveling on the back of a donkey... please.

so that's my life-lesson i've picked up on. talk amongst yourselves.

And now for my other rule, the rule of three:

1. Book:

2. Music:

3. This Movie Rocks!

Penguins are bizzare, but the title looks really cool in French.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Take Me Out

This past weekend we went to Take Me Out (reviewed by


Here's one of the many, many wonderful parts of the play:

"'I have come (with no little excitement) to understand that baseball is a perfect metaphor for hope in a democratic society,' says Mason at one point. Everyone is given an equal chance at success on the diamond, and -- unlike football, basketball and other sports that employ a clock -- an unlimited amount of time to achieve it. But the outcome is never, ever certain, the game itself possessing none of the naivete of either its players or its fans.

Or as Mason puts it, 'Baseball is better than democracy -- or at least than democracy as it's practiced in this country -- because, unlike democracy, baseball acknowledges loss....

'Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature.'"

too true, too true.

any thoughts on this? i think it's crap when liberals and conservatives or dems and repubs, donkeys and elephants, and such like battle and one gets their rumps... uhh... pumped(?) and then says "as you can see, the victory here today really shows that..." no other "sport" aside from politics does that. if a coach who's team got TROUNCED came off the field/court/mat/ring/stripper pole and said something like that.. the other team would kill him... the next beating would be even worse... dear Mr. Political Cream-Cheese: ACKNOWLEDGE that you have LOST. it makes you more in touch with reality as normal people see it.

like John Kerry KILLED Bush in the debates. I mean DAMN! Kerry even went back and tried to screw it up two more times, and STILL destroyed Mr. Angry-W.-Eyes. and bush is all like "as you see, i'm going to be re-elected cause i won these debates." No, you (you being understood as Bush) won re-election cause 1. you have ppl too scared to think for themselves and 2. people felt sorry for how Kerry minced, diced, sprinkled with mint and served your own ass to you. and your advisor sucks and i hope that evil, evil mudracker gets CANNED and leads to your impeachment.

that's all... class dismissed.

Friday, July 15, 2005

I'll take my one stab now please

Everyone and their mama (even my ma) has made fun of Michael Jackson, except me. So I'll use this slightly amusing dc101 flash movie to do it.

I mean if everyone jumped off a bridge, I'd have to. Everyone's doing it.... you're not cool if you don't... i just wanna be liked, is that so wrong? you haven't lived unless you try it.

which leads me to my next segment: if you have any "D.A.R.E." phrases that the druggies were supposed (but they never did with me, am i an outcast?) to use to get you to "be a user, and users are losers", then please post them in the comments section located here > no... wait... < not there ^ dammit! where's the down arrow?! there's the other three directions but NO DOWN?! what the hell is wrong with technology?!

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Cory the Wonderdog

Kate found this on the internet after watching "Dock Dogs" on ESPN2 last weekend. And I quote "This dog is friggin' AWESOME and hyper!! He's the 2003 Flying Disc Open Division World Champion."


We need a puppy in the worst way.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Fallen Idol

I love when guys who think they're too cool for school try to prove it and just fall on their ass. I didn't much care for Constantine on American Idol so i was overjoyed when i found this! I dunno what's better, Mr. CoolPants biting the dust or the goofy news lady panic'n and trying to cover up.

on a side note, how awesome was Family Guy? From a nod to THE INHUMANOIDS with Gleep trying to get a babysitting job to when all the guys were hoarf'n all over the place... oh man! guy.ever.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Jesus was a liberal Jew

This is the AWESOMEST website in the history of websites! It's sooooo funny! Religion ain't all bad, of course, but this is funny stuff. Thus i continue my war upon the Heathen Christians! Glory!

Landover Baptist | Where the Worthwhile Worship. Unsaved Unwelcome.
We have a permanent injunction against all unsaved persons. If you are unsaved, you are not allowed within a 10-mile radius of our church, nor are you allowed on this website. Kindly leave, and be about the Devil's business, for you are not welcome here. Glory!

Tuesday, July 05, 2005


Like every year, we went down to the Mall for A Capitol Fourth and watched some 'plosions. We heard the Beach Boys, Gloria Estefan and the O'Jays! Karen, Nick, Katie, Brian, Jay and Kathy were all there sweat'n to the oldies with us. Some random trivia, the 4th is Kate's favorite holiday!

Also some random trivia; we don't celebrate the signing of the Declaration of independence, we celebrate its ratification.

Thursday, June 30, 2005


The Man has turned into The Legend.

Dan Lowe was THE man at OU whilest i was there from 2000-2004. I knew him through Rob Metzger (a fellow Sears stock team member). He was very kind, funny, and a tremendous basketball player. I hung out with him a few times, but you wouldn't know that! He made everyone feel like they were welcome, and i think he knew everyone by name that was on campus. You can read more about him in the link up there, they recount his impact on OU better than i can.

He passed away unexpectedly while playing basketball. If he had to choose where to die, i think he would have gone the way he did. what sucks is the timing.

the world did not deserve to lose that much talent so soon.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Self Esteem

Any time i'm feeling down... or like i'm not the man... i just watch this video and i'm good to go for the rest of the day. everything becomes brighter and the world's problems seem to melt away.

In case you haven't seen it before, check out The Geek's Gallery. this pic is of rockstar quality. if the "lindons sing folk songs" ever gets out of the red tape and is produced, this is the cover shot. it makes me feel happy.

have a great, warm-fuzzy day! jesus and i love you!

She's on to us...

By buddy Chris Edwards' girlfriend Tracie has to be the funniest blogger in the short history of blogging. However, sadly, she is also very observant and therefore it's back to the drawing boards for us E.T.'s.

From Tracie's blog 'emotionaltoothpaste': "Maybe I watched too much X-Files as a kid (and adult), but I'm pretty sure that Chipotle is, in fact, an evil chain started by the shadowy part of the government (well, let's be honest, at this point the whole government in pretty f-ing shadowy) in order to aid the aliens which are attempting to invade this planet and create a race of alien-human hybrids. Every single time I eat a burrito, within an hour or so, I'm dead asleep in a spicy, beany food coma. During these comas I have the weirdest dreams. Ever. On par with The Birth Control Dreams. Same thing happens to Chris. (When I started this post, I planned to tell you all about my dreams that I had yesterday during my post-burrito naps, but after I started to tell one of my co-workers about them this morning, I remembered that you pretty much sound like a total boring tard when you try to tell others about your dreams, unless the dream is super vivid and has, like, man eating wolves in it, or something. So, yeah, I'll spare you the excercise of attempting to narrate the surrealistic, and just tell you the dreams involved a $400 bottle of Grand Mariner, a 5'6' baby, who was in fact my sister, and an alternate-reality version of Chris.) "

meanwhile, nature continues to give us the middle finger to prove that once and for all... nature hates us...

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

We are Family!

everybody get together and sing! what a horrible song... anyways... drum roll.......


The Halflings

this past weekend i met Key Alexander Lindon. i'm still thinking on meeting him and his girlfriend Amber. It's strange to meet someone who's lived 18 years without you and yet you know their life story within 10 minutes of meeting them. my mind is still trying to process everything.... but it was completely awesome!

more later!

Monday, June 13, 2005


I look online every week to see if there are any people i know in the Times-Reporter local life section.


Chad McConnell and I used to run around during our sophomore and junior years. AND he runs his own landscaping business! COOL!

Scott Heil was on the Decepticons YMCA basketball team junior and senior year. He drove me to the hospital when i broke my ankle.

WOW! This officially means i'm getting old. Two engagements and this weekend i'm going to Jeremy Rober's wedding back in Dennison. And I'm married and have a mortgage... mort=death... so once again i'm dreadfully aware of how short life is. i mean, yesterday i was hanging out with these guys worrying about my final english paper for Mr. J and now i'm concerned with profit margins. i never believed my mom when she said that life goes fast.... but this is crazy! can't complain though! i'm happy as hell with a big condo to organize and a hot wife to strut around with!

and how excited am i about the future? my head just expld85ryh9p43hfn9oagb87e9


Danica was Winnie Cooper on the Wonder years but now she's HOT and in Stuff Magazine. Normally, I wouldn't go through such sexist magazines (of course not, me? please--i'll keep telling myself this... i'm sad)... but damn.

except for in this picture i think she broke her neck. sad really cause she's really, really cute! and what's with the wicked witch of the west shoes? okay, maybe not exceptional (like KATE!), but she was my first TV girl crush.

*and the moral of the story is: the more things change the more they stay the same.*

Monday, June 06, 2005

Grocery Store Wars | Join the Organic Rebellion

Cuke, use the Farm!

Normally I detest Star Wars remakes because everything's been done before (except Muppet Show and Muppet Babies remakes, those are great!). But this one stands out because it's incredibly well filmed!

This is a great creative way to market. Props to the Organic Trade Association! make sure to click on "Meet the Puppets" after the film.

Sunday, May 29, 2005

If we had a band, this would be one of our group shots on our first cd (whose title would prolly involve something about swattered kitty cats). Val and Garry came down and we had a great time (as always!). There were some very heavy things discussed but I believe the four of us are closer than ever. Check Garry's blog (filed under "the cousin") for more pictures and what not.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Key and girlfriend Amber and halflings Val and Luke

I have the Key

so this guy is my half-brother, Key Lindon, with his girlfriend (see above pix)... i don't see the resemblance either...

anyway so to make a long story... a long story that happens to be shorter (durrrr!) my father (Blue) runs around and sets up "franchise families" ala Fight Club and then moves on. Key is 18, two years younger than my sister... so i'm elated to know of him and to know that Key is healthy, sane and alive. he sounds a lot like me prior to 1999... i guess i partied like it was 1999 like Prince said and came out a different person. he sounds great! and motivated! and relatively unphased!

which brings me to my real point... how the hell can kids come from such fucked up and poisonous backgrounds and make it in the world. some kids have really good rearing and come out ray guns set to ridiculous! while others have some bumps and bruises and act even worse. i'm thinking it comes down to two things 1. divine intervention and 2. ability to change and adapt.

1. Divine intervention comes in many, many forms... some ppl call it being 'saved' but that sounds too fundamentalist... but it means roughly the same thing. divine or not, the best way to define the intervention is something that causes...

2. The ability to change and adapt. Darwin said this was the key to the survival of the fittest. it's not the most powerful that always win, it's the ones who can change. people (like the mormons, reagan-republicans and other such idiots) like to think in absolutes. total or nothing, good times or bad times, saved or unsaved. not happening.

i think that using both 1 & 2 in a deadly fashion is what the Buddhists call the destruction of the self. it's not that you destroy your personality, it's just that you get over yourself. such sayings like "gee.. i wish i could stop smoking" or "he's such an ass to me but i can't break up with him" or "i've smoked so much pot but i can stop if i wanna" would never come out...

people think you need a great focus to do these things.. one does need focus.. one needs DISCIPLINE. i'm the most unfocused person (if you couldn't tell by my writing style) but i'm pretty disciplined.. if i need to get focused, i can. if i see something i don't like, i can change it first by changing myself and then changing the situation.

get it? prolly not.. but i do, val does and apparently so does key. so i guess it counts for something!

Thursday, May 19, 2005


i try to live my life without being addicted to too much... air, Family Guy, and my wife are my few addictions... but i've found my other addiction:

that's right! the greatest sports game ever made! I played it this past new years eve with my cuz... the game kept resetting, so it prevented me from completely owning his sorry ass! but of course i was the LA Raiders (with Bo and Marcus Allen) and he was the ever-fumbling Browns of '91. It would have been the first time i beat Garry, because he's a few years older than i am and consistently whooped my ass in Nintendo games. one of these days, Puppet Nuts.... one of these days!

but seriously.. Tecmo Super Bowl struck the perfect balance between realistic football simulation and high-tempo, engaging gameplay. Tecmo pushed the boundaries of sports video games by allowing for the first time full season play with complete stat-tracking, changing player conditions, and even injuries.

i've been through one season playing the Packers, Raiders, Broncos, and 49ers... these teams were unstoppable leading to the Packers' defeat of the Raiders in the big dance by a 65-yard TD run by Sterling Sharpe to edge out the Raiders.

This season i'm the Browns and the Saints... just to see if i can take two crappy teams and beat the game with them... not doing too bad so far.



Friday, May 13, 2005

And Remember Children...

If you don't blow out your flaming shot you could end up like this guy.

What a moron.

Also another sad fact is that this is how most of the fire drills happen at OU... that and the herb-heads who are too lazy/stoned to find Bong Hill.

Thursday, May 12, 2005


Here's some random quizsters i took that told me nothing new...

Your Political Profile

Overall: 20% Conservative, 80% Liberal

Social Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

although i don't agree with either position on most of these stupid questions.. but i understand they want to easily put me in either category.

Your True Birth Month Is January

Easily jealous
Loves children
Rather reserved
Highly attentive
Likes to criticize
Needs close friends
Ambitious and serious
Smart, neat and organized
Hardworking and productive
Loves to teach and be taught
Quiet unless excited or tensed
Sensitive and has deep thoughts
Knows how to make others happy
Searches for the greatest romance
Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds
Romantic but has difficulties expressing love
Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses

i agree completely with this one. but i may also be suffering from the Barnum Syndrome.. you know.. the one where you agree with every personality trait listed for you because 1. you want a clear definition of yourself and 2. your complex personality allows you to have all of these characteristics at any given time.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Hardest Game in the World

This Game is sooo addictive it should be illegal. Thanks to mai for sending it. the best soundtrack since mario and it'll hurt your wrist more than looking at playboy. have fun with it.

also for mai: shiznet= the shit. aka 'the big man on campus' as i believe the term would have been back in your hood. g mama....

Saturday, April 30, 2005


and it's not like the ones they sell in D.C... this one is real! All day it was horsies, italian sausages, and deep fried everything! i tried a deep fried snickers and man... instant death never tasted so good!

here's sort of what went on all day... this is the "wang-and-balls" view favored by the breeders and not anyone else. eventing is seriously the coolest thing you can do on a horse... seriously. it's not what you're thinking, cause the horse usually spooks with all the yelling and such, but cross country is the closest thing to sex on a horse you can do! it's also just as cool, but more socially acceptable to watch(i was brought up on charges last time i tried to watch people bang'n).

Cross country is sooo cool, i hopped on one of the horses and tried to do it myself.. here's the picture!

it's also been great talking with the sis and cuz... although i learned that Garry drives around OU's campus... so here's your mission! go to his blog and harrass him on his tag board!!!

and call him 'puppet nuts'.

like a cheap shirt at walmart, i'm out.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Kate In Kentucky

This weekend is the Rolex, the biggest and horsieful event in the entire universe. Kate (my wife for those who i despise) went down there for the week to cover it for her job (which is manage'n once again for you losers who can't keep up).

This is how i envision her arrival to look like:

Apparently she broke her leg since last i've seen her... i should send flowers.

But this weekend will be completely awesome cause i get to see my sister and where she's been living for the past year! Check out her blog on the side... and if you can't guess which link is hers, you're no longer allowed to read this site. My COUSIN is also coming. So it'll be completely awesome even though it's supposed to rain and be freeze'n out.

Phavorite Phrase at the moment: " a zombie to a brain."
Random Rants: "We prayed at first base and i wondered... did i just get to first base with God?"

Listening To:

Just Finished:

OH! and apparently my wife also did a photo shoot for UK's hockey team... my only thought is, where does she get the time?

Thursday, April 21, 2005


My somehow-related "Aunt", Ann West passed away a few weeks ago. I've been meaning to do this for awhile, but i haven't really understood the impact that her passing had on me.

After her passing, it was like a flood gate opened up. All these people from my past have been showing up in droves... from different blogs that i've found to random people calling me.. to all sorts of stuff.

It has helped me not grieve, but celebrate Annie... it has helped me come to terms with my hometown.

Be honest... the first time.

Monday, April 18, 2005

what everyone needs to move in

a jew, an aryan, and a 4-year-old. (with a sister, bro-in-law and 2-year-old to play hide & seek with tossed in for good measure).

that's really all you need. i pity the people who don't have such great labor at their disposal.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

so eff'n tired

three days of moving... we're just about done. this is my first post from the new place! that's exciting. but good lord has it been a long couple of days. next time we have to move i'm stealing a gun and making random strangers move my stuff.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

The Homestead

This is our new place that we just closed on today!

It's a 2 bedroom 2 bath, ground level condo. These pix are on our first breeze through back in February. They aren't the best (because the camera battery died) but hopefully will serve some purpose...

Monday, April 11, 2005

last night kate had a dream that we both had crappy kneecaps... and the thing that would fix them only fit my knees.

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Arizona Extravaganza

This is our lovely trip to Arizona! complete with captions and everything!

We went on Kate's family's annual trek to the Flying E Ranch in Wickenburg, AZ, last week for 9 tough days of riding horses, eating, lounging by the pool and playing with our nephews... vacation rules!

Friday through Sunday we went to visit Sedona, the Grand Canyon and Montezuma's Castle. Here are our 127 photos of fun.

Kate's family has been going to this ranch for 20+ years, so I guess this makes me official!

It takes $50 to fill up my tank now... granted my company is paying for it.. but damn.. come on now kids, didn't we invade a country so this wouldn't happen?

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Mai's Arizona Pix!

Mai's Pix are great! Check them out! I'll throw ours up there soon, I'm just working on writing the captions.

We have awfully cute nephews!

Monday, April 04, 2005

These MFer's been hold'n out on me

Big U-Ville and Dennison: Xanga Blogs

Here's a massive list of all the Xanga blogs from my hometown. Mostly rednecks, preteens, and wanna-be-goths, but this is FASCINATING! HOLY DEAR GOD! I'm up a whole hour past my bed time to read about people I haven't seen nor heard from in years.

However... that means peeps been holding out on me. any of you out there who have a blog better squelch it up now... or i'll make up other words to mean "hand over your site now".


it's amazing to me that two people can look at the same thing and come away with two completely different views. like ol' veggie Shivo. some look and see death and some look and see life. I see life. In her death she's in the after life which is far better than the limbo technology was keeping her in.

it's also the same way with families. I just spent a week in Arizona (pix to follow) with the in-laws and found that most disagreements in the family are from misunderstanding the arguement. The same with the abortion... people are not argue'n the same point. If you say "we need less abortions" both sides will agree.

Another thing is, when you're mad at someone, tell them; don't tell everyone in the immediate circle and hope it gets back around to them so you can discuss it. Doing that is like taking poison and hoping the other person will suffer for it.

So that's my serious side... TIME FOR HILARITY!

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Weezer Plot Comeback : News


"After two years of scattered recording sessions -- and two weeks of Metallica-style group therapy -- Weezer have finally finished their fifth album. 'It took a long-ass time,' drummer Pat Wilson says of Make Believe, which hits stores May 10th.

Blame the delay on Rivers Cuomo's periodic semesters at Harvard -- where the thirty-four-year-old frontman continues to pursue an undergraduate degree -- and on his frequent dissatisfaction with his own songs. 'I think Rivers was pretty emotionally divorced from our last two records,' says Wilson of 2001's Green Album and 2002's Maladroit. 'You can totally hear it. It sounds like we're just kind of stoned out, like a Seventies rock band who tours all the time.'
But with the guidance of Audioslave producer Rick Rubin, Cuomo started writing tunes he liked -- and many of them recaptured the naked honesty of 1996's Pinkerton and the band's 1994 debut, the Blue Album."

I just crapped my pants... twice.

Monday, March 21, 2005

The Land Baron and Baroness

It's been a while since my last post.. or at least my last quality post. Lots of things have been happening so you just get right off my back and listen, you dirty sponge eater.

WE BOUGHT A CONDO! It's a two bedroom ground floor unit with about 1,100 square feet and a fireplace! It's in Germantown, Maryland. I've always said that I wanted to live in Germany, I guess this is as close as I'll get. It's a tight pad, I'll post up pix here in a few tixz.

Also I've learned that the best undiscovered European rock band is back in the studio!!! Carpark North is made up of kick-ass Danes who have been rocking Scandinavia for a while now. My buddy-pals Rasmus and Anders laid them upon my earlobes a few years back while we were all at OU. These guys are definitely worth checking out. Let it be said that I turned you onto them before they get all huge.

I'm also going on vacation here for a little bit... and no there will not be any doctors or special "coats" to keep the evil five devils from going into the spectra-colored wonderland that lays behind my eyeballs. HOORAY FOR ARIZONA! and for sanity.. that's important too.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Gizoogle - Fo' all you beotches who wanna find shiznit


it's like Google... but up on dubbs (20" rims for you all who ain't gangsta). It's as if Snoop Dogg himself hands you the web searches. Best. Website. Ever.


Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Recycle Yourself

"Chronic remorse, as all the moralists are agreed, is a most undesirable sentiment. If you have behaved badly, repent, make what amends you can and address yourself to the task of behaving better next time. On no account brood over your wrong-doing. Rolling in the muck is not the best way of getting clean."

-Aldous Huxley, in the forward of Brave New World.

This sums up my life for the last few weeks. If you mess up, move on. This is also echoed in my "Buddhist Lent" class that Rev. Bill started. It's a fabulous class, more on it as it evolves, as will my understanding.

I also figured out that humans have two choices in this life... you have the choice of insanity on one hand and lunacy on the other. I am a man of the moon...

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

The Tartan Online - Blink-182, Korn: shakeups and breakups

Blink-182, Korn shakeups and breakups:

I enjoyed both these bands... esp. BLINK! Blink is in my top ten bands of all time... here's what the article had to say:

"Blink-182 was the sincerity amidst a slew of clones that tried to copy the band's sound and image. While some bands, such as Simple Plan and New Found Glory, were successful, Blink-182 was the truth amongst the lies. They also carried the torch for Green Day to have a comeback of monumental proportions. When Blink broke through, interest in Green Day was waning horribly. But Blink carried the true pop/punk sound through almost a decade to allow Green Day to validate their career with 'American Idiot.'"

Korn was great on the first and second album, but then didn't evolve. They were off the radar for me for a long time, but blink, with their zany antics and lovable poop jokes left a mark on me not dissimilar to a skidmark on a pair of tighty whities.

Monday, February 28, 2005

'It's my 111th birthday!'

she may not be as old as Bilbo Baggins, but she's far cuter. and her feet are a lot less hairy. happy birthday, Kate W. Lindon! (the "W" stands for "wasabi" as in "hot as wasabi")

Saturday, February 26, 2005

Guns of Memorial Park

"At the bottom of the barrel, surprise, surprise... we find our lives so intertwined" starts the latest cd by Sparta.

War it seems has been popping up every where in my life the past few weeks. War is the reason Politik7 (this post is also on that blog): to protest to the Iraq invasion and the current administration. There just seems to be war all the time for me.

In a recent post, i stated that everyone must have a book and cd they are currently listening too.. I will add movie to that list as well.

My music has a very anti-war stance, as does my book. I am currently reading Peace is the Way by Depak Chopra. This book's goal is not to bring an end to war... but an end to the very IDEA of war.

I couldn't agree more with that... esp. after seeing Hotel Rwanda. In the movie, there was really no point to the fighting, completely no reason to leave close to a million victims in it's wake. There are two groups here that were determined by the Dutch colonists way back in the day. One could not tell the difference between these two groups. To kill people, they checked they're ID or went on hearsay.

We need to erase our lines in the sand. Stop our divisions.

Only through division and de-humanization can war happen. Nazi's declared jews non-human just as these two groups declared each other non-humans. Just as terrorist declare all non-believers as non-human. We are all God's children (even those who don't believe in God are part of this group AKA 'Humanity').

Chopra states that extreme enemies become inherit allies. Think very hard on this... Enemies need each other, they are allies in one way. Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Rielly need us crazy liberals to demonize just as Osama needs Bush (and vice versa) just as good needs evil. Enemies need one another so they have a defining example to show not only what they are against but also use the example to figure out what they are for.

Limbaugh for 'family values'. How does one define that general term? Let's define what our 'liberal enemies' are for, and we'll define the opposite of what they do as 'family values'. We were against 'communism' during the Cold War. What is that? Well it's against the 'free marketplace of ideas' that our democracy represents.

Do you see that? Chopra describes it better, but there's your 10 cents worth. Just as i hate the values and mindset that the conservatives or fundamentalists have, i realize they are people too and have reasons for believing what they do. This blog is a forum to discuss those differing views. DISCUSS! Not fighting, not war. Religion won't do that.. unless that involves keeping an open mind that the other is your neighbor. Jesus and Buddha were COMPLETELY against war and yet millions of wars are still carried out in their name.

Keep the 1st Amendment above all else. Talk to those who disagree without trying to change them. Just get a feel for them and keep in mind that they are humans and bleed just like you do. This practice is what will save us and put an end to the very idea of war.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

New F150! My company made my valentines day with this little gift... those lovely little scabs. It's a 5.4 v8 with a 6 disc cd player with MP3 reader in it...

here's the interior with this hot model i hired


Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Rule of Three

It is my humble opinion that everyone in the world should at all times have answers to the following questions:

What are you reading?
Peace Is the Way: Bringing War and Violence to an End by Deepal Chopra.

the title comes from Gandhi's saying "There is no way to peace. Peace is the way." I'm 50 pages in and this book literally has the power to change your life (if you're ready). This book is not about ending war... but ending the very idea of war.

"The ego itself has to be disarmed to live the way of peace. For me as an individual to be free, I have to confront myself with questions about who I really am, and this is done in large part by examining the layers of false identity that I mistakenly call me."

Fabulous read... a full report will follow once i'm done

What are you listening to?
ULTRA CHILL 01 is an astounding mix of some of my favorite trip hop artists... like Royksopp, Zero 7, and more... i love love love the calm effect this music has on me. I listened to Royksopp while trop'n around Europe. Very Centering.

Also Sparta. This has a punk feel with the emo-ness of At the Drive In with some political motives like Rage Against the Machine.

Name Three Things You're Grateful For
1. My Wife
2. My New Ford F150 Company Truck
3. Having a solid basketball game (Immodium AD is currently 5-2)

how 'bout you?

Monday, February 14, 2005

Happy Day of Complete Cheese


or for your pagan folk who celebrate the original holiday... Happy Feast of the Divine Twins (those being Apollo & Diana)

So you may think a romantic gentleman about town such as i have great and grand plans for this eve. you must have a high opinion of me (thanks! i like you too!) But nay. This eve is all about two things.... Papa Johns and Kung Fu. If the lady wants, then the lady gets!

She also gets a "kick ass" personalized song from

The really horrible singing and cheese lyrics, and awkward personalized phrases translate to love! (at least in my book)

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Maddy Grass?

Missed 'Maze'n Race? Goofed on Gilmore Girls? Then Television Without Pity is your answer! It's perfect for those too wasted to watch TV. Or if i did i don't remember it cause i was soooo wasted.

Mardi Gras was yesterday and that means a time to gorge oneself on all sins only to repent the next 40 days. Just so you get the idea of what i was doing yesterday, check these out:


Woo Hoo! I am soooooo drunk! I loooooove exposing myself for plastic beads that I will throw away promptly when I get home. I just can't help myself... I am just soooo wasted!

So Happy Fat Tuesday! I hoped you got out there and sinned! I did!

(actually i helped with our church's youth group pancake supper and had 7 points in a 43 to 40 win over the foxchasers. Immodium AD (team name) helps stop the runs and win the game)

The Best Super Bowl Ads

I heart football and advertising, and when those two things come together it's like a day long kegger with a boring half-time show! The awesome website IFILM has them all.

here are my favorites, check them out!

The Bud Light Parachuting one was pretty awesome. Really great way to show product loyalty.

The Monkey Business ones were my favorites! Esp. the part where the chimp picks up the phone and the guy is like "you're not talking to anyone... it didn't even ring!"

the Visa superheros could have been better... but the superheroes looked really generic and crappy. spiderman sounded like a 12 year old! Underdog rules though!

and the sexiest without being too sexist goes to Tobasco! Awesome way to show how hot your sauce is than on the most beautiful canvas ever created (that has a personality and shouldn't be objectified like this commerical sort-of does)... the female body.

what were your favorites?

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Bree's Gay!

"Desperate Housewives' Marcia Cross is set to reveal she is a real-life lesbian by posing for a gay mag.

The sexy redhead - stuffy Bree Van De Kamp in the hit show - will join the likes of Cynthia Nixon and Ellen DeGeneres by coming out."

YAY! Stand and be recognized! I knew i was attracted to her for some reason... i thought i was crazy for having the hots for a stiff mechanical fundie. little did i know she was a lesbian just like me.

Monday, February 07, 2005

picture your pain

as a white ball of healing light. so here's yet another poem with links. this be an original one. hope you all enjoy. i'll start posting happy stuff when i get to that meadow. until then i travel in a bleak winterscape of apathy. did that sound poetic? cool, cause the following prolly won't.

Three Shades Red

Red when i learned of you and him,
as blue when you learned of the lie,
green at those who are better,
red the day the hunter died.

home is stained in crimson rage,
away is a sullen indigo,
grey as the day of super-stition,
the seven days of eating crow.

yellow were the lies of the stickman,
whose words were coated in rust,
black are the memories he left,
that will never collect dust.

silver are the words of the answer,
but many are color blind,
happiness is a shade of red,
it's the question you must find.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Tidy Up

This commercial is further proof that Ikea is the greatest company in the world.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

The internet... not just for porn!

I love blogs. well that's not true... i love blogs that are written well and entertaining. evil boring stupid pointless blogs (like this one) should be made illegal with the penalty of 50 lashings with uncooked spaghetti.

I love blogs because it's an excellent way to spend an afternoon when you're home from work sick. do you know what else i love? Nyquil. Nyquil and blogs.

Here are some excerpts from some profound blogs i frequent:

"I can't wait until Kevin Bacon's musical career slows down to the point where he joins friendster, although I'm sure he would probably cause the server to crash and end friendster as we know it, given how many of us there are out there, at work, bored out of our minds, looking to make that connection."
-Kimmmmmmmm works in the area and was a party buddy at OU during Kate's MBA stint.

"Not only does my little sister who has not yet reached the legal drinking age own two flasks of her very own (one of which I gave her as a Christmas present), but she also owns a saxophone!"
-emotional toothpaste is the blog by the Elvis Costello love'n Tracie (the girlfriend of Chris Edwards, one of my bestest buddies).

"At work we had a sign up in the bathroom for a while telling us to wash our hands and get enough rest during flu season or else we'd 'be a Biohazard' to our coworkers. I thought this was ridiculous until I realize that my morning cocktail of red bull and 3 cups of coffee is probably making my urine radioactive."
--Leebert's Journal no clue who this guy is. I found him on Tracie's links and i love the way this guy writes! Anyone with "She's Figured Me Out" lyrics for their headline is a-okie dokie with me.

so there it is! i'm sick and posted a non-sensical shout-out rant that's long over due. tomorrow i go back to work to be half as productive. now it's time to curl up and watch some kung-fu movies.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005


This Very Cool Column in the ol' college paper pretty much sums up my stance in recent minutes. I'm not too sure if i'm trying to win people over to Jesus, as just get them (and myself) to a better more compassionate place while on this planet (dimension, plane of existence, stage in the game, level in the mario world, dog dish in the apple pie).

I do have my own story with campus crusade. When i was a devout catholic fundie, i thought 180 would be an excellent place to go, after all, a friend was in it and was very popular and well liked. After hearing that all people who don't accept Jesus, people who accept him only half-heartedly, and people born before Jesus, all are going to/currently reside in hell, I was out.

Now i say enough of their tomfoolery and self-ped-stooling (look ma, i inventedly a new werd!). Yay for groups looking to do good, boo for groups of dorks just looking for a place to fit in and make fun of others.

wait... i just did that. Oh well! I (and those like me) TOTALLY RULE!

Friday, January 28, 2005

Free Verse!

i wrote this in my truck today as i did 301 miles (exactly! i went to charlottesville for poo's sake!). i think i'm going to be writing a lot in the next couple days, i'll keep y'all posted.

Pimple Panic
by Luke

pimple popper,
pop'n pimples,
stop stressing,
keep it simple.

job stress, responsiblity,
keep your hands off your face,
kick back with no jealousy,
no one is taking your place.

life can be so unfair,
buy the new Wheatus,
if you keep touching down there,
you'll get one on your... upper thigh.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Primitive Radio God

(a experiement in fuse'n music/poetry and blogging)

"Standing Outside a Broken Phonebooth with Money in My Hand"
-Primitive Radio Gods from the album ROCKET

Jan lays down and wrestles in her sleep
Moonlight spills on comic books
And superstars in magazines
An old friend calls and tells us where to meet
Her plane takes off from Baltimore
And touches down on Bourbon Street

We sit outside and argue all night long
About a god we've never seen
But never fails to side with me
Sunday comes and all the papers say
Ma Teresa's joined the mob
And happy with her full time job

Am I alive or thoughts that drift away?
Does summer come for everyone?
Can humans do as prophets say?
And if I die before I learn to speak
Can money pay for all the days I lived awake
But half asleep?

A life is time, they teach us growing up
The seconds ticking killed us all
A million years before the fall
You ride the waves and don't ask where they go
You swim like lions through the crest
And bathe yourself on zebra flesh

I've been downhearted baby,
I've been downhearted baby,
Ever since the day we met

I feel so esoteric. most of these links are puns, but you can't deny that these lyrics are pretty fucking profound.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005


Weezer Jam Session - Presented by Flash Player

1. i adore weezer.
2. i heart DDR
3. combine the two and you've got an entire night of fun on your hands!

Spot all the Lyrics, Win Prizes!

hey luke, what have you been reading? Glad I asked myself.

Stephen King's The Dark Tower Series. It's mysterious, crazed, and a great mix of many of my favorite genres. Fantasy, Sci-Fi, Westerns, Romance, and porn. It is also very philosophical, following closely to Einstein theory of parallel worlds. It centers around the gunslinger Roland and his 'Ka-tet'. Ka is something akin to Karma (what goes around comes around... dummy). This book is great but full of tragedy, including Roland himself. He's more of an anti-hero... making stupid, selfish decisions and then saving himself. What can i say, it's no laughing party, when you've been on the murder mile

The Ecological Indian by Shepard Krech III is a fabulous read from my Native American History class. It still is a wonderful read and just goes to prove that all we are is what we're told and most of that's been lies.

Also i've been in and out of a book called "The Ultimate Journey" by Richard Bernstein which is alright, but nothing to rave about.

what else is up? i went to NYC to see Megan and Lauren! check out my pix here! I went alone because Kate is out in Wyoming. Which sucks, but she'll be back on friday and we're both having as much fun as we possibly can while being miserable and separated. It's not every day that we can get hit on by cowboys or hang with two fabulous lesbians. plus there's no way i'd ever have gone to NYC without Kate telling me to. It's not because Meg and Lauren aren't reason enough, but because she gives me courage I didn't know I had and the motivation to get off my ass.

well, now i think that i'm going to bed as the image of you and yer crap leaves my head. much love!

*two things have been accomplished here.. i've finally written a rant and i've done so with 6 million links! yay!

The Best of Dave Barry One Liners!

by Dave Barry

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness"

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

6. You should not confuse your career with your life.

7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. If anybody cares how you dance, feel sorry for them. They need to get a life and learn how to have fun. And notice that people who dance and cut loose once in awhile, usually live longer.

10. Never lick a steak knife.

11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.

17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

18. Don't think that because a person is having fun, they are drinking to excess. Some people have fun naturally given the moment and you need to find out how they do it.

20. Your friends love you anyway.

20. Never be afraid to try something new. After all, a lone amateur built the Ark, a large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Friday, January 14, 2005

Dave Barry - Elegy for the humorist. By Bryan Curtis

Dave Barry, who quit his syndicated humor column last week,: " has been playing dumb for 22 years. Whenever someone suggests that Barry is our noblest social commentator, that he regularly makes the lions of the New York Times editorial page look like bozos, Barry points out that this is impossible, because, unlike most Timesmen, he takes great pride in making booger jokes. Let us ignore that objection and repeat the suggestion. Dave Barry is�was�the most heroic newspaper columnist in America. He hides his considerable candlepower behind a jokester's guise of 'Don't trust me, I'm just the comedian!' Or, as Barry once put it, 'Readers are sometimes critical of me because just about everything I write about is an irresponsible lie.'"

I LOVE DAVE BARRY! His best book is Boogers are my Business along with every other book he has written.

So after losing my radio station, i now have lost my columnist. next they'll cancel Knight Rider. I'm surprised that the show has lasted as long as it has and with the same look. It's gotta be a record that rivals the Simpsons.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Radio is Dead!

WHFS Changes Its Tune to Spanish ( "WHFS-FM, the Washington area radio station that was a pioneering purveyor of alternative rock to generations of young music fans, did a programming U-turn yesterday by ditching the genre for a Spanish-language, pop-music format that transforms it into the largest Spanish-language station on the local dial.

In an instant, the station abandoned the likes of the White Stripes, Green Day and Jet for middle-of-the-road superstars such as Marc Anthony, Juan Luis Guerra and Victor Manuelle"

I'm officially pissed. I know i should be worrying about the tsunami victims, Iraq, and how much $$ Bush is spending on flaunting his own ego next week... but did ya have to take away my favorite radio station? Now I admit i listen to the Elliot in the Morning radio show, because the "Junkies" just plain suck (and they all sound the same and use 'junk-ligo' which is just slang that pre-dates Jock Jams). But after Elliot, i tune in and hear the best mix of rock i've ever heard. of course it had to die.

And yay for the hispanic population getting their acknowledgement of being a viable market. I could be spiteful, because the acknowledgement of their validity comes at my expense, but good for them. If i was fluent, i'd listen to El Zol too just to be supportive. But damn dawg.

Thursday, January 06, 2005


it's your birthday... no.. not your birthday you selfish, egotistical bastard! It's my birthday! I just had to complete the worn out, early 90s frase. (i know it's 'phrase' but my new year's resolution is to abolish the 'ph' in favor of 'f').

so yay for me! i'm one year older and once again reminded of my mortality. such a lovely tradition.

i think it's also a Lindon tradition to have really messed up dreams. Mine consisted of my family-in-law getting ready to go somewhere and i was in the middle of shaving and trying to find my shoes. then i get chased by a fat guy in a huge cartoon car. the car's trunk wiggled like the fat guy's butt when he walked. i got away by hiding in an abandoned ice cream factory where i was able to finish my shaving and change into a suit and join my wife and her family. any clues to what the hell that means?!

and since i need your help, i better be nice to you. sorry i called you selfish and egotistical. i shouldn't be one to talk, i mean i'm the one who has a blog. as for a bastard, you'll have to answer that for yourself. were mommy and daddy married? (ooh that's low)

any who! after all the queezy-sick rants i now leave you with a special saying:

"Knowing is not as fun as thinking. And thinking isn't as fun as seeing." -zen saying

Monday, January 03, 2005


YAY FOR US! It's Kate and my one year anniversary! No, not The Anniversary, but you have good taste in music, mi amigo!

And to those who said that we wouldn't make it this far, i say, "why did you think that... that's kinda asshole-ish of you."


(the moral of this story was to see how many ! i can use!)