Luke and Kate and sitting in the pew pouring over papers and talking very closely, Pastor Nancy at the pulpit.
Pastor Nancy: This is the final Sunday in advent, next week is Christmas.. so as we prepare (Notices Luke and Kate)… My dear intern, what seems to be troubling you? (Luke still pouring over papers) Hello? What's up with this… Hey (whoever is doing the sound) turn on his mic.
Luke: yeah, put them there… wait.. the Crockett's are coming? I thought they were staying here, we're not even related to them.. and Mark's such a picky eater.. wait… (Figures out his mic is on). He-He… umm.. Pastor Nancy, I can explain!
PN: I'd love to hear it! It's not like we're getting ready to worship or anything!
L: Well, you know how I said to buy one less present…
PN: oh yeah, and how you yelled at me for my RC Cherry Red Hummer for my grandkids.
L: Yeah! Well our families thought that was such a great idea that none of them wanted presents!
PN: WOW! That's great!
L: Instead Kate and I have to plan the Christmas party and dinner.
PN: That's not quite what you meant.
L: Tell me about it! Now Kate and I are all stressed out cause we can't sit Andrew next to Steve or Margaret next to Frank cause they don't like each other…
PN: well I'm sure that..
L: (continues without hearing) and NOBODY wants to sit by Aunt Mildred and somehow the Crockett's are coming, but they only know us and then the kids table is just a mess cause those kids are a mess and they never listen and they're always coming to the adults.
PN: OKAY! You're stressing me out now! Why not to a buffet and let people sit where they want?
L: AND MAKE IT LOOK LIKE I DIDN"T PUT ANY WORK INTO IT?! (getting hysterical) you don't know what kind of message this would send, what would people thing of me? I'm a poor student, that I can't AFFORD gifts and that I can't do simple thing like putting on a dinner for everyone, are you CRAZY?
PN: Well, what have we been saying about all the stress and hassle? That's not what the season is about! It's about God in the unexpected, right in our personal relationships with each other.
L: We mean that?
PN: Yeah! (indignant!) So let this slide away and let us begin to worship. Please stand for the call to worship.
L: Okay Kate, we'll figure this out after the service.
PN: Ugh, there's no reaching some people, please join me in the call to worship printed in the bulletin.
"...Every plan is a tiny prayer to Father Time."
Showing posts with label skits. Show all posts
Showing posts with label skits. Show all posts
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Advent Skit 12-7-08
written by Luke and Pastor Nancy, performed at Trinity Reformed UCC in Mountville PA.
Luke: Today we're going to hear about the Annunciation. That's when the Angel Gabriel came to Mary and told her "hey, you're gonna have a child and name him Jesus." Man, what a story! but image what that would be like if that were you! I know if a few months ago, someone came up to Kate and announced not only her pregnancy but also the name of our child, why i'd hit that guy so hard.... (notices Nancy).... uhh.... Pastor Nancy?
Nancy: (still going through the newspaper) Yeah?
Luke: I was talking about Gabriel...
Nancy: uh huh... (distracted voice)
L: And how Gabriel visited Dean Thomas and said he was pregnant.
N: That's nice.... i heard that... keep doing what you're doing – I’ll be with you in a minute.
L: YOU'RE NOT PAYING ATTENTION!
N: What?? Yes I am – or I mean to! I'm just a little distracted today. I found out my grandkids want a battery operated, miniature replica of Hummer – red – with doors that open and shut, a real horn, back up lights and fake ignition keys!! And let me tell you – these things do NOT come cheap and I’m trying to find the best deal!
L: Well can't that wait? We're getting ready for worship and...
RING!
N: Hello?
L: umm... You’ve GOT to be kidding!
N: oh yes, is this Ebay? I had a question about that item #4567. (keeps talking....)
L: seriously?! She’s taking the call...(to the audience) this is... uhh.. unbelievable... what should i do....
N: (As if she doesn’t know what’s going on) “Now what exactly does “gently used” mean?
*Luke gets cell phone out of pocket and dials*
N:– uh huh – and you can have delivery to St. Louis by when?? Oh! Can you hold? This call might be from the manufacturer – “Hello – is this General Motors?”
L: PASTOR NANCY! (*shocked look, looks at Luke and gives a shy smile... Luke continues:
“What's the deal, i just talked last week about centering the season on Christ and you're acting like a nutcase today!”
N: That’s PASTOR NUTCASE to you, my boy!! But hey, you're right. There's just so much to do and I just feel so pressured. I really feel guilty not living near my grandchildren so naturally I want to give them everything they want!! But, ok -- maybe i shouldn't have used this time to think about all the stuff I have to do.
L: Listen – far be it from me to tell you how to celebrate Advent – but didn’t MY sermon last week mention something about “guilt giving”??? Is that Hummer really what you want to give your grandchildren that will leave a lasting impression?? Maybe you need to focus a little bit more on what’s going on here rather than making lists and taking phone calls during the call to worship!!
N: OK – You’ve made your point! I’ll worry about the Hummer later!
L: (Looks totally exasperated – he hasn’t gotten through at all!)
L: To the congregation: “Won’t you join me in the call to worship printed in your bulletin – and PAY ATTENTION!
Luke: Today we're going to hear about the Annunciation. That's when the Angel Gabriel came to Mary and told her "hey, you're gonna have a child and name him Jesus." Man, what a story! but image what that would be like if that were you! I know if a few months ago, someone came up to Kate and announced not only her pregnancy but also the name of our child, why i'd hit that guy so hard.... (notices Nancy).... uhh.... Pastor Nancy?
Nancy: (still going through the newspaper) Yeah?
Luke: I was talking about Gabriel...
Nancy: uh huh... (distracted voice)
L: And how Gabriel visited Dean Thomas and said he was pregnant.
N: That's nice.... i heard that... keep doing what you're doing – I’ll be with you in a minute.
L: YOU'RE NOT PAYING ATTENTION!
N: What?? Yes I am – or I mean to! I'm just a little distracted today. I found out my grandkids want a battery operated, miniature replica of Hummer – red – with doors that open and shut, a real horn, back up lights and fake ignition keys!! And let me tell you – these things do NOT come cheap and I’m trying to find the best deal!
L: Well can't that wait? We're getting ready for worship and...
RING!
N: Hello?
L: umm... You’ve GOT to be kidding!
N: oh yes, is this Ebay? I had a question about that item #4567. (keeps talking....)
L: seriously?! She’s taking the call...(to the audience) this is... uhh.. unbelievable... what should i do....
N: (As if she doesn’t know what’s going on) “Now what exactly does “gently used” mean?
*Luke gets cell phone out of pocket and dials*
N:– uh huh – and you can have delivery to St. Louis by when?? Oh! Can you hold? This call might be from the manufacturer – “Hello – is this General Motors?”
L: PASTOR NANCY! (*shocked look, looks at Luke and gives a shy smile... Luke continues:
“What's the deal, i just talked last week about centering the season on Christ and you're acting like a nutcase today!”
N: That’s PASTOR NUTCASE to you, my boy!! But hey, you're right. There's just so much to do and I just feel so pressured. I really feel guilty not living near my grandchildren so naturally I want to give them everything they want!! But, ok -- maybe i shouldn't have used this time to think about all the stuff I have to do.
L: Listen – far be it from me to tell you how to celebrate Advent – but didn’t MY sermon last week mention something about “guilt giving”??? Is that Hummer really what you want to give your grandchildren that will leave a lasting impression?? Maybe you need to focus a little bit more on what’s going on here rather than making lists and taking phone calls during the call to worship!!
N: OK – You’ve made your point! I’ll worry about the Hummer later!
L: (Looks totally exasperated – he hasn’t gotten through at all!)
L: To the congregation: “Won’t you join me in the call to worship printed in your bulletin – and PAY ATTENTION!
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Passion of the Parking Lot
I wrote this with the help of my main dawg, Linear Dog.. We wrote it for our worship service at Chapel here at LTS. Nancy and I redid it to fit Trinity, here's that skit:
Luke: Wow, the sanctuary looks great today… I love all the advent decorations and the theme for this season of the church year. What are we doing next?
Nancy: The call to confession… and no better to lead it than a man who needs to confess himself.
Luke: What do you mean by that?
Nancy:I saw you two Sunday’s ago after service – in the parking lot... you looked pretty steamed.
Luke: Yeah dude, Dave Burns cut me off! I couldn't freaking believe it! It's like he didn't even see me! I was SO mad because I had places to go and people to see!
NANCY: Well, if I remember correctly, the sermon that day was turning the other cheek...part of the Ten Days for Peace thing? Remember??
LUKE:I was about to turn his cheek (punches hand).
NANCY: Well that wouldn't have been very nice. You know, next time you come to church, you don't have to leave Jesus inside it, he's supposed to accompany you for the whole week.
LUKE: WHA.... Uhhh.... Yeah, but excuse me!! Last week when we were out making homebound visits and stopped for a coffee – weren’t YOU the one who got so mad at the woman in front of us – remember?? When you said you couldn't believe how long she was taking, asking the ingredients to everything only to find out later she's got a peanut allergy and is diabetic. Way to go there “Christ-follower – Pastor Person”
NANCY: Yeah... about that...
LUKE: Wasn't there something in the bible about the splinter in your neighbor’s eye and the.. uhh... what do you call it... THE LOG CABIN in yours??
NANCY: I think that might be a SLIGHT exaggeration – but I get your point. I’m sorry for that outburst in the coffee shop – and I’m also sorry for criticizing you in front of the whole congregation.. I was just very concerned at your anger and wanted to help. I didn't mean to cause any embarrassment -- I was wrong to call you out here.
LUKE: But you only did it cause you were concerned about my welfare... right? And you know, you're right. Sorry to respond so defensively. I was way out of line. So really – thanks for the correction. It’s occurring to me that onfessing our faults is hard work.
NANCY: Yes, but that's what we're called to do. Jesus even said that before we can offer up our prayers to God, we should reconcile to each other.. So c'mere you! (HUG!)
LUKE: We now invite you to reconcile with your neighbors
NANCY: Or simply greet one another in the name of Christ this morning.
LUKE: Or we could just do that.. yeah!
Luke: Wow, the sanctuary looks great today… I love all the advent decorations and the theme for this season of the church year. What are we doing next?
Nancy: The call to confession… and no better to lead it than a man who needs to confess himself.
Luke: What do you mean by that?
Nancy:I saw you two Sunday’s ago after service – in the parking lot... you looked pretty steamed.
Luke: Yeah dude, Dave Burns cut me off! I couldn't freaking believe it! It's like he didn't even see me! I was SO mad because I had places to go and people to see!
NANCY: Well, if I remember correctly, the sermon that day was turning the other cheek...part of the Ten Days for Peace thing? Remember??
LUKE:I was about to turn his cheek (punches hand).
NANCY: Well that wouldn't have been very nice. You know, next time you come to church, you don't have to leave Jesus inside it, he's supposed to accompany you for the whole week.
LUKE: WHA.... Uhhh.... Yeah, but excuse me!! Last week when we were out making homebound visits and stopped for a coffee – weren’t YOU the one who got so mad at the woman in front of us – remember?? When you said you couldn't believe how long she was taking, asking the ingredients to everything only to find out later she's got a peanut allergy and is diabetic. Way to go there “Christ-follower – Pastor Person”
NANCY: Yeah... about that...
LUKE: Wasn't there something in the bible about the splinter in your neighbor’s eye and the.. uhh... what do you call it... THE LOG CABIN in yours??
NANCY: I think that might be a SLIGHT exaggeration – but I get your point. I’m sorry for that outburst in the coffee shop – and I’m also sorry for criticizing you in front of the whole congregation.. I was just very concerned at your anger and wanted to help. I didn't mean to cause any embarrassment -- I was wrong to call you out here.
LUKE: But you only did it cause you were concerned about my welfare... right? And you know, you're right. Sorry to respond so defensively. I was way out of line. So really – thanks for the correction. It’s occurring to me that onfessing our faults is hard work.
NANCY: Yes, but that's what we're called to do. Jesus even said that before we can offer up our prayers to God, we should reconcile to each other.. So c'mere you! (HUG!)
LUKE: We now invite you to reconcile with your neighbors
NANCY: Or simply greet one another in the name of Christ this morning.
LUKE: Or we could just do that.. yeah!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)