With the StripGenerator, you can create your own comic strip. Hopefully yours will be as equally not funny as mine is!
special thanks to the ever-wonderful and total hottie Kate (yay for my wife!) for reading me the joke from reader's digest*
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*yes, THAT magazine that your grandparents read... shut up already, gawd. like you don't read it! i know you do. i should start a club called RD Readers Under 70, and not only would i be the president, i'd also be a member.
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Fantasitastic!
THE DRAFT IS TOMORROW!!!
I've started a fantasy football league... sadly it's on yahoo... not on ESPN.com so that means no hot babes discussing stats. However it does involve family, friends and co-workers going head to head in weekly games! will this mean stronger bonds or the dissolution of my entire social network? only time will tell.
I've started a fantasy football league... sadly it's on yahoo... not on ESPN.com so that means no hot babes discussing stats. However it does involve family, friends and co-workers going head to head in weekly games! will this mean stronger bonds or the dissolution of my entire social network? only time will tell.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Snape!
If you're as attracted to uppity, snide, and racist wizards as I am, then you're gonna love this video (linked below, sucka!).
I found it on Transbuddha.com which is now my favorite place on the internet.
I found it on Transbuddha.com which is now my favorite place on the internet.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Driving in the District
As I am the most frequent poster in my family (vs. Val and Garry), i figured i'd continue my reign by showing you all what being on the roads is like here in D.C. Taken from Transbuddha.com, Dysfunctional Driving showcases what to do and what not to do while driving in a city.
i thought it funny at first, but i see 75% of this stuff on the roads every day. I'm going to try to get my place of employment to implement this system as well as the Smith Driving System.
i thought it funny at first, but i see 75% of this stuff on the roads every day. I'm going to try to get my place of employment to implement this system as well as the Smith Driving System.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
The Obscars
The Obscars is my new invention. In the spirit of the VMA's which have been plugged to death by MTV endlessly running stupid ads for it, i've created the Obscene Awards. Pretty self explanatory.
Winner for Best Picture
I originally heard this on Elliot in the Morning on DC101. They had on Bob Saget (of Full House fame) and he was talking about his favorite movie, "The Aristocrats". Here's the New York Magazine Review that IS safe for work.
Here's the South Park version of it... BUT BEWARE! NOT SAFE FOR WORK (and pretty much everywhere else). This is VILE and OBSCENE and that's why it wins the Obscar for B.P.
Other Awards:
Dumbest Website with the Incorrect Definition
The Tourettes Guy. He also got an Obscar for Best Use of Language. Mainly he won because fewer than 15% of all people who suffer from Tourettes yell things. Tourettes is more similar to Obsessive Complusive Disorder than it is to a fat guy yelling Bob Saget's name. for the complete definition and FAQ check out the TS-USA.ORG site.
Pissiest Person on the Net
THE GEEK. he don't like the Xanga and he's gonna TELL ya!
Most Obscene Event
Re-election of G.W. Bush
Most Obscene Fact
Death toll of the Iraq War
Most Obscenely Funny Religious Site
Landover Baptist
So there is the first annual OBSCARS! hope you all agree that these are pretty obscene. please leave some comments and let me know what you think!
Winner for Best Picture
I originally heard this on Elliot in the Morning on DC101. They had on Bob Saget (of Full House fame) and he was talking about his favorite movie, "The Aristocrats". Here's the New York Magazine Review that IS safe for work.
Here's the South Park version of it... BUT BEWARE! NOT SAFE FOR WORK (and pretty much everywhere else). This is VILE and OBSCENE and that's why it wins the Obscar for B.P.
Other Awards:
Dumbest Website with the Incorrect Definition
The Tourettes Guy. He also got an Obscar for Best Use of Language. Mainly he won because fewer than 15% of all people who suffer from Tourettes yell things. Tourettes is more similar to Obsessive Complusive Disorder than it is to a fat guy yelling Bob Saget's name. for the complete definition and FAQ check out the TS-USA.ORG site.
Pissiest Person on the Net
THE GEEK. he don't like the Xanga and he's gonna TELL ya!
Most Obscene Event
Re-election of G.W. Bush
Most Obscene Fact
Death toll of the Iraq War
Most Obscenely Funny Religious Site
Landover Baptist
So there is the first annual OBSCARS! hope you all agree that these are pretty obscene. please leave some comments and let me know what you think!
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Caffeine, Step Aside...
there's a new addiction in my life and it's known as thefacebook.com. it's pretty awesome to do. just login and you can search for all your friends and drinking buddies from college! and even better yet, you can look at THEIR friends, drinking buddies, and what's-his-face who sat two over in philosophy 203.
takes me back to OU... which i think was like, less than 2 years ago, but everyone who's a frosh this year was in 8th grade when i was a frosh at OU. HOLY MOSES! i'm old. i miss OU. well that's a lie, i don't miss the classes. but i miss see'n all the dudes and give'n them high-fives and all the ladies in the short-shorts.
so in memory of college, i'll go slam my head into a wall to get that nice hangover feeling. ya can't do it in the real world, beer is like mucho $$! they get you hooked young and then look out!
takes me back to OU... which i think was like, less than 2 years ago, but everyone who's a frosh this year was in 8th grade when i was a frosh at OU. HOLY MOSES! i'm old. i miss OU. well that's a lie, i don't miss the classes. but i miss see'n all the dudes and give'n them high-fives and all the ladies in the short-shorts.
so in memory of college, i'll go slam my head into a wall to get that nice hangover feeling. ya can't do it in the real world, beer is like mucho $$! they get you hooked young and then look out!
Monday, August 01, 2005
Heavier Things
Forgive my John Mayer reference, but PostSecret is a facinating look into the nature of the human animal.
The point of the website is to send your deepest darkest secrets on postcards to an address (in Germantown, coincidentally!). The guy might or might not post them on the website. Supposedly it's liberating, and i'm thinking i agree with that statement. there are some that are really funny like "i almost never wash my hands after using the restroom" to the really heavy issues like suicide, self-cutting, and molestation issues.
here is one that i really agree with:
*special thanks to Nikki who informed me of this great site on her blog.
The point of the website is to send your deepest darkest secrets on postcards to an address (in Germantown, coincidentally!). The guy might or might not post them on the website. Supposedly it's liberating, and i'm thinking i agree with that statement. there are some that are really funny like "i almost never wash my hands after using the restroom" to the really heavy issues like suicide, self-cutting, and molestation issues.
here is one that i really agree with:
*special thanks to Nikki who informed me of this great site on her blog.
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Is It Vacation Yet?!
look! i proved to myself that i can actually type a sentence with upper-case letters in it. i've been abstaining due to a little fight me and Mr. Creationist-Upper-Case-Letters had about my main man Darwin.... so it's good to be back on speaking terms.
i have discovered a noble truth since my last post. the key to success is all about one's comfort zone. DON'T HAVE A COMFORT ZONE! in my case it seems that the more out of my comfort zone i am, the more luck i seem to have. if you keep to the "tried and true" you're going to get bored... and worse than that is if something changes, you'll be all out of whack. so screw the notion of comfort. do you think Rosa Parks was comfortable in her seat up in the front of that bus? i bet you a ba-zillion $$ she wasn't and that's made all the difference. or Mary having a kid out of wedlock and traveling on the back of a donkey... please.
so that's my life-lesson i've picked up on. talk amongst yourselves.
And now for my other rule, the rule of three:
1. Book:
2. Music:
3. This Movie Rocks!
Penguins are bizzare, but the title looks really cool in French.
i have discovered a noble truth since my last post. the key to success is all about one's comfort zone. DON'T HAVE A COMFORT ZONE! in my case it seems that the more out of my comfort zone i am, the more luck i seem to have. if you keep to the "tried and true" you're going to get bored... and worse than that is if something changes, you'll be all out of whack. so screw the notion of comfort. do you think Rosa Parks was comfortable in her seat up in the front of that bus? i bet you a ba-zillion $$ she wasn't and that's made all the difference. or Mary having a kid out of wedlock and traveling on the back of a donkey... please.
so that's my life-lesson i've picked up on. talk amongst yourselves.
And now for my other rule, the rule of three:
1. Book:
2. Music:
3. This Movie Rocks!
Penguins are bizzare, but the title looks really cool in French.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Take Me Out :washingtonpost.com
This past weekend we went to Take Me Out (reviewed by washingtonpost.com):
IT.WAS.AWESOME.
Here's one of the many, many wonderful parts of the play:
"'I have come (with no little excitement) to understand that baseball is a perfect metaphor for hope in a democratic society,' says Mason at one point. Everyone is given an equal chance at success on the diamond, and -- unlike football, basketball and other sports that employ a clock -- an unlimited amount of time to achieve it. But the outcome is never, ever certain, the game itself possessing none of the naivete of either its players or its fans.
Or as Mason puts it, 'Baseball is better than democracy -- or at least than democracy as it's practiced in this country -- because, unlike democracy, baseball acknowledges loss....
'Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature.'"
too true, too true.
any thoughts on this? i think it's crap when liberals and conservatives or dems and repubs, donkeys and elephants, and such like battle and one gets their rumps... uhh... pumped(?) and then says "as you can see, the victory here today really shows that..." no other "sport" aside from politics does that. if a coach who's team got TROUNCED came off the field/court/mat/ring/stripper pole and said something like that.. the other team would kill him... the next beating would be even worse... dear Mr. Political Cream-Cheese: ACKNOWLEDGE that you have LOST. it makes you more in touch with reality as normal people see it.
like John Kerry KILLED Bush in the debates. I mean DAMN! Kerry even went back and tried to screw it up two more times, and STILL destroyed Mr. Angry-W.-Eyes. and bush is all like "as you see, i'm going to be re-elected cause i won these debates." No, you (you being understood as Bush) won re-election cause 1. you have ppl too scared to think for themselves and 2. people felt sorry for how Kerry minced, diced, sprinkled with mint and served your own ass to you. and your advisor sucks and i hope that evil, evil mudracker gets CANNED and leads to your impeachment.
that's all... class dismissed.
IT.WAS.AWESOME.
Here's one of the many, many wonderful parts of the play:
"'I have come (with no little excitement) to understand that baseball is a perfect metaphor for hope in a democratic society,' says Mason at one point. Everyone is given an equal chance at success on the diamond, and -- unlike football, basketball and other sports that employ a clock -- an unlimited amount of time to achieve it. But the outcome is never, ever certain, the game itself possessing none of the naivete of either its players or its fans.
Or as Mason puts it, 'Baseball is better than democracy -- or at least than democracy as it's practiced in this country -- because, unlike democracy, baseball acknowledges loss....
'Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature.'"
too true, too true.
any thoughts on this? i think it's crap when liberals and conservatives or dems and repubs, donkeys and elephants, and such like battle and one gets their rumps... uhh... pumped(?) and then says "as you can see, the victory here today really shows that..." no other "sport" aside from politics does that. if a coach who's team got TROUNCED came off the field/court/mat/ring/stripper pole and said something like that.. the other team would kill him... the next beating would be even worse... dear Mr. Political Cream-Cheese: ACKNOWLEDGE that you have LOST. it makes you more in touch with reality as normal people see it.
like John Kerry KILLED Bush in the debates. I mean DAMN! Kerry even went back and tried to screw it up two more times, and STILL destroyed Mr. Angry-W.-Eyes. and bush is all like "as you see, i'm going to be re-elected cause i won these debates." No, you (you being understood as Bush) won re-election cause 1. you have ppl too scared to think for themselves and 2. people felt sorry for how Kerry minced, diced, sprinkled with mint and served your own ass to you. and your advisor sucks and i hope that evil, evil mudracker gets CANNED and leads to your impeachment.
that's all... class dismissed.
Friday, July 15, 2005
I'll take my one stab now please
Everyone and their mama (even my ma) has made fun of Michael Jackson, except me. So I'll use this slightly amusing dc101 flash movie to do it.
I mean if everyone jumped off a bridge, I'd have to. Everyone's doing it.... you're not cool if you don't... i just wanna be liked, is that so wrong? you haven't lived unless you try it.
which leads me to my next segment: if you have any "D.A.R.E." phrases that the druggies were supposed (but they never did with me, am i an outcast?) to use to get you to "be a user, and users are losers", then please post them in the comments section located here > no... wait... < not there ^ dammit! where's the down arrow?! there's the other three directions but NO DOWN?! what the hell is wrong with technology?!
I mean if everyone jumped off a bridge, I'd have to. Everyone's doing it.... you're not cool if you don't... i just wanna be liked, is that so wrong? you haven't lived unless you try it.
which leads me to my next segment: if you have any "D.A.R.E." phrases that the druggies were supposed (but they never did with me, am i an outcast?) to use to get you to "be a user, and users are losers", then please post them in the comments section located here > no... wait... < not there ^ dammit! where's the down arrow?! there's the other three directions but NO DOWN?! what the hell is wrong with technology?!
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Cory the Wonderdog
Kate found this on the internet after watching "Dock Dogs" on ESPN2 last weekend. And I quote "This dog is friggin' AWESOME and hyper!! He's the 2003 Flying Disc Open Division World Champion."
UNREAL.
We need a puppy in the worst way.
UNREAL.
We need a puppy in the worst way.
Monday, July 11, 2005
Fallen Idol
I love when guys who think they're too cool for school try to prove it and just fall on their ass. I didn't much care for Constantine on American Idol so i was overjoyed when i found this! I dunno what's better, Mr. CoolPants biting the dust or the goofy news lady panic'n and trying to cover up.
on a side note, how awesome was Family Guy? From a nod to THE INHUMANOIDS with Gleep trying to get a babysitting job to when all the guys were hoarf'n all over the place... oh man! best.new.family guy.ever.
on a side note, how awesome was Family Guy? From a nod to THE INHUMANOIDS with Gleep trying to get a babysitting job to when all the guys were hoarf'n all over the place... oh man! best.new.family guy.ever.
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Jesus was a liberal Jew
This is the AWESOMEST website in the history of websites! It's sooooo funny! Religion ain't all bad, of course, but this is funny stuff. Thus i continue my war upon the Heathen Christians! Glory!
Landover Baptist | Where the Worthwhile Worship. Unsaved Unwelcome.
We have a permanent injunction against all unsaved persons. If you are unsaved, you are not allowed within a 10-mile radius of our church, nor are you allowed on this website. Kindly leave, and be about the Devil's business, for you are not welcome here. Glory!
Landover Baptist | Where the Worthwhile Worship. Unsaved Unwelcome.
We have a permanent injunction against all unsaved persons. If you are unsaved, you are not allowed within a 10-mile radius of our church, nor are you allowed on this website. Kindly leave, and be about the Devil's business, for you are not welcome here. Glory!
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
HAPPY FOURTH!
Like every year, we went down to the Mall for A Capitol Fourth and watched some 'plosions. We heard the Beach Boys, Gloria Estefan and the O'Jays! Karen, Nick, Katie, Brian, Jay and Kathy were all there sweat'n to the oldies with us. Some random trivia, the 4th is Kate's favorite holiday!
Also some random trivia; we don't celebrate the signing of the Declaration of independence, we celebrate its ratification.
Also some random trivia; we don't celebrate the signing of the Declaration of independence, we celebrate its ratification.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
D-Lo
The Man has turned into The Legend.
Dan Lowe was THE man at OU whilest i was there from 2000-2004. I knew him through Rob Metzger (a fellow Sears stock team member). He was very kind, funny, and a tremendous basketball player. I hung out with him a few times, but you wouldn't know that! He made everyone feel like they were welcome, and i think he knew everyone by name that was on campus. You can read more about him in the link up there, they recount his impact on OU better than i can.
He passed away unexpectedly while playing basketball. If he had to choose where to die, i think he would have gone the way he did. what sucks is the timing.
the world did not deserve to lose that much talent so soon.
Dan Lowe was THE man at OU whilest i was there from 2000-2004. I knew him through Rob Metzger (a fellow Sears stock team member). He was very kind, funny, and a tremendous basketball player. I hung out with him a few times, but you wouldn't know that! He made everyone feel like they were welcome, and i think he knew everyone by name that was on campus. You can read more about him in the link up there, they recount his impact on OU better than i can.
He passed away unexpectedly while playing basketball. If he had to choose where to die, i think he would have gone the way he did. what sucks is the timing.
the world did not deserve to lose that much talent so soon.
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Self Esteem
Any time i'm feeling down... or like i'm not the man... i just watch this video and i'm good to go for the rest of the day. everything becomes brighter and the world's problems seem to melt away.
In case you haven't seen it before, check out The Geek's Gallery. this pic is of rockstar quality. if the "lindons sing folk songs" ever gets out of the red tape and is produced, this is the cover shot. it makes me feel happy.
have a great, warm-fuzzy day! jesus and i love you!
In case you haven't seen it before, check out The Geek's Gallery. this pic is of rockstar quality. if the "lindons sing folk songs" ever gets out of the red tape and is produced, this is the cover shot. it makes me feel happy.
have a great, warm-fuzzy day! jesus and i love you!
She's on to us...
By buddy Chris Edwards' girlfriend Tracie has to be the funniest blogger in the short history of blogging. However, sadly, she is also very observant and therefore it's back to the drawing boards for us E.T.'s.
From Tracie's blog 'emotionaltoothpaste': "Maybe I watched too much X-Files as a kid (and adult), but I'm pretty sure that Chipotle is, in fact, an evil chain started by the shadowy part of the government (well, let's be honest, at this point the whole government in pretty f-ing shadowy) in order to aid the aliens which are attempting to invade this planet and create a race of alien-human hybrids. Every single time I eat a burrito, within an hour or so, I'm dead asleep in a spicy, beany food coma. During these comas I have the weirdest dreams. Ever. On par with The Birth Control Dreams. Same thing happens to Chris. (When I started this post, I planned to tell you all about my dreams that I had yesterday during my post-burrito naps, but after I started to tell one of my co-workers about them this morning, I remembered that you pretty much sound like a total boring tard when you try to tell others about your dreams, unless the dream is super vivid and has, like, man eating wolves in it, or something. So, yeah, I'll spare you the excercise of attempting to narrate the surrealistic, and just tell you the dreams involved a $400 bottle of Grand Mariner, a 5'6' baby, who was in fact my sister, and an alternate-reality version of Chris.) "
meanwhile, nature continues to give us the middle finger to prove that once and for all... nature hates us...
From Tracie's blog 'emotionaltoothpaste': "Maybe I watched too much X-Files as a kid (and adult), but I'm pretty sure that Chipotle is, in fact, an evil chain started by the shadowy part of the government (well, let's be honest, at this point the whole government in pretty f-ing shadowy) in order to aid the aliens which are attempting to invade this planet and create a race of alien-human hybrids. Every single time I eat a burrito, within an hour or so, I'm dead asleep in a spicy, beany food coma. During these comas I have the weirdest dreams. Ever. On par with The Birth Control Dreams. Same thing happens to Chris. (When I started this post, I planned to tell you all about my dreams that I had yesterday during my post-burrito naps, but after I started to tell one of my co-workers about them this morning, I remembered that you pretty much sound like a total boring tard when you try to tell others about your dreams, unless the dream is super vivid and has, like, man eating wolves in it, or something. So, yeah, I'll spare you the excercise of attempting to narrate the surrealistic, and just tell you the dreams involved a $400 bottle of Grand Mariner, a 5'6' baby, who was in fact my sister, and an alternate-reality version of Chris.) "
meanwhile, nature continues to give us the middle finger to prove that once and for all... nature hates us...
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
We are Family!
everybody get together and sing! what a horrible song... anyways... drum roll.......
TA DA!
The Halflings
this past weekend i met Key Alexander Lindon. i'm still thinking on meeting him and his girlfriend Amber. It's strange to meet someone who's lived 18 years without you and yet you know their life story within 10 minutes of meeting them. my mind is still trying to process everything.... but it was completely awesome!
more later!
TA DA!
The Halflings
this past weekend i met Key Alexander Lindon. i'm still thinking on meeting him and his girlfriend Amber. It's strange to meet someone who's lived 18 years without you and yet you know their life story within 10 minutes of meeting them. my mind is still trying to process everything.... but it was completely awesome!
more later!
Monday, June 13, 2005
Engagements!!!!
I look online every week to see if there are any people i know in the Times-Reporter local life section.
I KNOW TWO THIS WEEK!
Chad McConnell and I used to run around during our sophomore and junior years. AND he runs his own landscaping business! COOL!
Scott Heil was on the Decepticons YMCA basketball team junior and senior year. He drove me to the hospital when i broke my ankle.
WOW! This officially means i'm getting old. Two engagements and this weekend i'm going to Jeremy Rober's wedding back in Dennison. And I'm married and have a mortgage... mort=death... so once again i'm dreadfully aware of how short life is. i mean, yesterday i was hanging out with these guys worrying about my final english paper for Mr. J and now i'm concerned with profit margins. i never believed my mom when she said that life goes fast.... but this is crazy! can't complain though! i'm happy as hell with a big condo to organize and a hot wife to strut around with!
and how excited am i about the future? my head just expld85ryh9p43hfn9oagb87e9
I KNOW TWO THIS WEEK!
Chad McConnell and I used to run around during our sophomore and junior years. AND he runs his own landscaping business! COOL!
Scott Heil was on the Decepticons YMCA basketball team junior and senior year. He drove me to the hospital when i broke my ankle.
WOW! This officially means i'm getting old. Two engagements and this weekend i'm going to Jeremy Rober's wedding back in Dennison. And I'm married and have a mortgage... mort=death... so once again i'm dreadfully aware of how short life is. i mean, yesterday i was hanging out with these guys worrying about my final english paper for Mr. J and now i'm concerned with profit margins. i never believed my mom when she said that life goes fast.... but this is crazy! can't complain though! i'm happy as hell with a big condo to organize and a hot wife to strut around with!
and how excited am i about the future? my head just expld85ryh9p43hfn9oagb87e9
STUFF MAGAZINE: Danica McKellar
Danica was Winnie Cooper on the Wonder years but now she's HOT and in Stuff Magazine. Normally, I wouldn't go through such sexist magazines (of course not, me? please--i'll keep telling myself this... i'm sad)... but damn.
except for in this picture i think she broke her neck. sad really cause she's really, really cute! and what's with the wicked witch of the west shoes? okay, maybe not exceptional (like KATE!), but she was my first TV girl crush.
*and the moral of the story is: the more things change the more they stay the same.*
except for in this picture i think she broke her neck. sad really cause she's really, really cute! and what's with the wicked witch of the west shoes? okay, maybe not exceptional (like KATE!), but she was my first TV girl crush.
*and the moral of the story is: the more things change the more they stay the same.*
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